WHY I HOPE I HAVE LEUKEMIA/

WHY I HOPE I HAVE LEUKEMIA
Because I am selfish. That’s the short answer, but it goes further and deeper than that. I’ll try and explain it to you the best I know how. I’ve seen and read the experiences of many who have been diagnosed with deadly cancer. But they all seem to start at the moment of the person hearing the results that are conclusive. Me, I have a test that shows it may be, or may not be cancer, or whatever. So at this point it is just a maybe. But I need a definitive answer, I’m at that in-between point. You see, I’m selfish, it’s all about me. I was selfish the day I sprang forth from my mothers womb. In fact, as the story goes I came out crying and demanding to be breast fed immediately. And all my life this is how I have been. Even now I want to get this diagnosis so that when I die people will say good things about me. At funerals people generally aren’t speaking of all the bad things the deceased did. Oh, there are tons tons of great stories of the wonderful and funny things this person did. But right now, all people see is the fact that if I do have cancer , I deserve it. And in fact, that is right, I do deserve it. I deserve it because I have lived an awful selfish life. I have used and abused all that God and the people around me have given to me. Selfish is what I am.
Self-ish is what I am. interesting?
Selfish is how I live, it’s all about me, and what the flesh desires. So even at this moment I’m thinking about me, and how this could help my image. You know the old saying,” Image is everything”, interesting? You really don’t have to tell me what an awful person I have been. I know it well. This is one thing God has allowed me the pleasure of having a deep revelation of. Despite His love, grace, and mercy, I continue to be selfish, to desire the things of the flesh. But this will not surprise those around me, they know how I’ve been, struggling with sin, and sins tempting. It was almost a freeing experience to see the possibility of a soon removal from this world. All my problems, struggles, pains, gone in an instant. Even here at this point I’m thinking about me. How did I ever get this far along in life with this way of living.
You see, I have no excuse. None. This life, all in Gods plan somehow, was given and redeemed by Him who is Creator, Sustainer, Redeemer. This awesome, magnificent, God, who is completely different from anything we know, outside of time,space, and matter. This God, called me. He called me. Me? Selfish me.
Self ish, Brought Satan down, brought mankind down, and brought me down. Selfishness is pride. It says, “why not?” “I deserve it”, “After all you, are the most important person to you”.
And,
See, Satan was all about himself. And me, I tend toward being about me. Satan’s temptations are the prideful thoughts and actions that he has. The lust of the flesh the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. That’s how he comes at you, with a reasonable offer. 1 John 2.
See how he works in these verses.
Genesis Chapter 3
1Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
2And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:
3But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
4And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
5For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
6And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
7And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.
8And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden.
9And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?
10And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.
11And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?
12And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.
13And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this thatthou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.
14And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:
15And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.
16Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Same in the Garden, and Jesus in the wilderness, and us now. Mt. 4 I fall for somethings more than others. And I deserve the worst. But the amazing thing about salvation is that is given to the undeserving.
While we were yet sinners Christ died for us.
and
I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
and
I know that in me, that is, in my flesh, dwelleth no good thing.
SELF – ISH
FLES HSI
FLESH’S – I
SELF is always about the FLESH and I
Anyway the end of the story is this. If I happen to have cancer or leukemia or one of those things and pass from this earth. My family would be deserving of help, and millions of others would also. So help them if you feel led, their position is based on my bad decisions, but I hope that you would consider helping someone who is undeserving of it. Today and from now on I want to help someone undeserving like Jesus did for me. And don’t tell any stories about what a wonderful Christian I was, or all the great things that I did for others or funny stories of my life. Just say He was undeserving but Christ died for him and despite all his struggles it is in Christ alone he put his trust.
As I get older the only verse in the Bible that I question is 1 Timothy 1:15 where Paul says he is the chief sinners. And the reason being, I know myself,,,and that self is selfish, and even in this I want the distinction.
and one more out of the word “selfish”
Christ suffered in :
SELF ISH
HIS FLESH
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